So I'll just cut to the chase, since it's been three months without a peep.

Life has been crazy.

I'm still a bustling, working mom of two, but in just a handful of weeks, I'll be the bustling, working mom of three. Yes, that's right. Three kids...three girls, to be precise. No, of course it wasn't planned. Do you think I would want to be pregnant again barely a year later with a due date in the MIDDLE OF MY BUSIEST WORK SEASON?!

That's actually the part that freaks me out the most. It's no coincidence that Keira and Ellie were both spring babies. The newest addition to our family, who is growing like a weed and kicking me like mad, is expected in late October, right when my Early Decision/Early Action and CSU applications have to go out and about two weeks before our major UC deadline. *sigh*

What can a hugely pregnant woman do?

Unfortunately, nothing but grin and bear it, so I've resigned myself to the fact that I'll simply have to be an absolute lunatic this senior season. Good thing I love my work (grumble, grumble). Also on the cheer-me-up front have been my girls, serving as constant reminders as to how wonderful it is to have daughters.

Ellie is fully walking now, waddling around like a little duck with a topknot. She has a thick mop of hair that I've been letting grow out (the bowl cuts I was giving her were HORRENDOUS), and now that it's long enough to cover her eyes, the small fountain of hair I tie her bangs into every morning is part of her daily look. It's just adorable and goes with her sunny disposition perfectly. When she does wander around with her hair hanging down (like after a bath), I find myself giggling and calling her "Cousin It". The resemblance is uncanny! In fact, Ellie is always bringing a smile to my face, whether because of the adorable way she sits quietly in her room and reads through each of her books to herself, babbling and pointing at pictures, or because of the chortles and snorts of laughter she makes when she's just so happy, she can't help but fall to the ground and wriggle in sheer delight. Ah, my Ellie! I just want to squeeze and squeeze and squeeze her. It's impossible to get enough.

Keira, in the midst of her thunderous threes, is wonderful in a different, sometimes infuriating, sometimes endearing, always passionate kind of way. She can switch on a moment's notice from chatting away about the wonderful pizza dinner she's making in her kitchen, allowing me to sample from her pots and pans, straight to whining and crying because she supposedly can't put her shoes on (which she does on her own EVERY morning). Some days she wants to be a big girl; she picks out her own clothes, gets dressed, climbs up and down from her booster seat for breakfast, washes hands, goes potty, gets into her car seat and buckles up, and informs me of things I should be doing or have forgotten. Other days she just wants to be my baby, crying to be in my lap, have me feed her, carry her around, and help her with everything. In between the laughter and tears, I am reminded of how hard it is to be a child. She can be so wise:

"Momma, I think you should learn to drink milk, too, so that you can grow up to be big and strong."

"Oh, baby, it's too late for me. I'm already short and won't get any taller."

"......Well, Momma, that's ok. That's ok that you're short. I love you anyway."

She can also be so foolish:

"NO! I won't come to the kitchen! I don't want breakfast!"

"Keira, that's your choice. If you don't want to eat, that's up to you. Ellie and I are going anyway."

"But then I'll be HUNGRY!!!" (many tears ensue...)

It is this evolutionary process of watching my bundle of plump sunshine grow into a little toddler, and my ornery toddler struggle to be a sometimes-almost-big girl that makes my heart so happy and so achy that it could burst.

The other night, after we put the girls to bed, I suddenly found myself bursting into tears. Between my sobs, I tried to explain to Felix that everything was already going too fast, that I couldn't bear the fact that Keira was already three and Ellie, one. Had we done enough to enjoy the times thus far? Were they enjoying their childhoods, which felt to me like they were flying by too quickly? Why couldn't I just love the moment for the moment, instead of nagging the girls to wash their hands, not be so noisy, clean up more, blah, blah, blah?

OK, so maybe it was the pregnancy hormones that transformed me into a crying lunatic. Nevertheless, I have realized that being a mom is more powerful than anything I might ever experience, and my children - my children - are more precious to me, my life, and my memories than I could have ever imagined. Am I scared of what life will be like after a third? Absolutely. Does the prospect of three teenager daughters living under one roof frighten me? I'm terrified. And just the mere thought of multiple college tuitions at the same time makes me want to faint.

But would I take any of it back? Never.